Elden Ring keeps us on our toes
Some of the enemies in Elden Ring are abject examples of cruelty. The twisted minds of From Software have created enemies designed specifically to ruin your good mood. We can’t even list them all here — Runebears are one of the early enemies that blindside new players with insane aggression. Then there are the hidden hands that burrow underground and ambush Tarnished trying to grab a shiny treasure. Archers are naturally one of the worst, with their ability to snipe you dead with pinpoint accuracy from aggravating ranges. And those are the relatively normal enemies.
#1. Hero’s Grave Chariots
Hero’s Grave are trap-filled dungeons that fill us with existential dread. The traps? Those aren’t so bad.
The difficult enemy encounters? That’s manageable. No, the worst part of any Hero’s Tomb dungeon are the
chariots. Because chariots have a mind of their own.
Chariots are fast-moving traps that cover entire lanes of pathway, forcing you to duck into alcoves and sprint to avoid them as they sweep up and down the pathways of the tomb. The worst part? They seemingly have a mind of their own, so they’ll change patterns as you progress through the dungeon. They’re mostly invincible (save for traps you can trigger to destroy them at the end) and can kill you in a single hit. And what is with the enormous, janky hitboxes on these things?!
The devious Patches returns in Elden Ring, and he’s just as bad as he’s ever been. Patches can be helpful,
sort of, but he still goes out of his way to backstab you at every opportunity. In Limgrave, he’ll try to
trick you into using a teleport trap chest. In Liurnia, he’ll suggest getting captured by another enemy on
our list — let’s just say it is very bad to follow his suggestion. In Mt. Gelmir, he’ll wait for you to
approach a ledge marked with Rainbow Stones, then push you off. Patches is still pulling the same old
tricks. And he’ll never stop as long as From Software keeps making these games.
Even when he’s helpful, Patches isn’t helpful. In Volcano Manor, Patches will send you on a hunt — and he’s surprised when you get back. Patches just won’t stop stabbing us in the back.
An early enemy of Stormveil Castle that caused an instant explosion of aggravation right after release. The
Warhawks wear swords on their talons and know how to use them. They flap around, striking and floating just
out-of-reach. They’re also just patently absurd. They look ridiculous!
Flying around and swiping at you with swords isn’t enough. Some of the Warhawks carry explosive barrels — this is the kind of patented absurdity we’ve come to expect from Miyazaki and From Software. Unlike the goats that roll around like wheels, these Warharks just keep destroying us.
#4. Raya Lucaria Abductor Virgin
At the bottom of Raya Lucaria Academy, there is a creepy “Abductor Virgin” machine. These machines are found
all throughout the academy grounds in Liurnia of the Lakes, and Patches is the one to point you to them —
Patches says, if you’re captured by an Abductor Virgin at the bottom of the academy, you’ll be taken to the
base of the Erdtree. That’s your goal.
s What Patches doesn’t tell you is that this creature teleports you to an underground inquisition torture chamber with seemingly no escape. Many players have been duped and suddenly worry escape is impossible. The only way out seems to be through two of these Abductor Virgins that serve as the boss of this exclusive little area. You can simply run by them, but that doesn’t make this trap any less devious. Getting players to fear their character is now trapped forever? That’s extremely evil.
#5. Royal Revenants
This mess of undead limbs rarely appears, but always leaves an impression. The remains are an amalgam of
corpses in a spider-like combo. It attacks rapidly and unpredictably, giving end-game players a lot of
trouble in the end-game areas. They turn invisible when retreating, burrowing into the ground and popping
back up to spit poison or leave behind a toxic trap. These things are so tough, most players don’t bother
fighting them in melee range. Just run past them or shoot them from far away.
The only effective way to fight them is with healing. Healing magic deals extreme damage to the grafted revenants, making your life so much easier while exploring the inner walls of Elphael, Brace of the Haligtree. Most of the time, I’ll just run right by these things.
#6. Preceptor Miriam
This NPC invader is so evil, we wrote an entire guide detailing exactly how to deal with them. They’re pure,
distilled annoyance for melee builds. Instead of standing to fight, Miriam is always retreating. They
teleport away, unleashing volleys of magic projectiles while shielding themselves behind spectral enemies.
And they will just never stop retreating. When you first arrive at the Carian Study Hall, Miriam can kill
your Tarnished in seconds with magic. The only good thing about Miriam is returning later to get revenge.
And the worst part? If you defeat Miriam’s first standard encounter, you’ve just wasted your time — Miriam is guarding a dead end. Then you’ll have to fight them again in the Inverted Carian Study Hall, where they’re even more annoying. Instead of fighting on safe walkways with railings, you’ll have to fight on bridges over bottomless pits. At least they’ll (rarely) roll right off the ledge accidentally in the second fight. If you’re lucky.
#7. Silver Tears
While exploring the Eternal City, the Tarnished encounter a peculiar rolling ball trap. We’ve all seen these
before in video games. But this one is different. After dropping down and rolling toward the player… this
giant metal orb changes directions, chasing you around the room and crushing you if you get close. This is
the Silver Tear, a shape-shifting enemy that takes the form of a big iron ball.
Trying to fight these things is annoying due to their weird hitbox. They have Chariot syndrome. Just standing close to a Silver Tear orb will send your Tarnished flying. They’re not too tough to kill with a ranged weapon — and they’re so awkwardly shaped, you can lure them into a doorway to get stuck. Doesn’t make these things any less devious.